Ahmad*
41 years old. Married with four children aged 18, 17, 7 and 3 years.
I was injured on the first day of the bombings. I was at home when the house was hit. We didn’t know if it was a bomb or if something in the house had exploded. We just heard a massive noise and the house trembled. That’s when I saw my hand hanging from my arm. The whole family was together, it was Ramadan. Part of the house was destroyed, two of my cousins died, and another relative was left disabled.
The blast was so strong that the neighbors were also injured. The neighbor’s son was walking outside and lost both of his eyes. He was only 9 years old, and he will never be able to see again. He was just playing outside.
People were trying to put the victims in cars. Ambulances could not reach us, as the bombs were just falling everywhere. I was in a car with 4 other victims. One of them was another neighbor’s child. She died on her father’s lap, right next to me, on the way to the hospital. The rest of us didn’t know if we would make to the hospital alive, everything was being bombed all around us.
I finally reached Al Shifa hospital and after a week I was referred to MSF in Al Awda hospital. In both hospitals, they feared the bombs were going to hit us. Even hospitals were not safe this time.
I had 8 different surgeries and my hand was amputated. While I was at the hospital, I was fearing for my family. Their mental health was deeply affected, and loud noises still makes my younger two cry. My mother was the one that suffered the most. She had a nervous breakdown, and she is now being cared for by mental health specialists. She still can’t talk about it without going into a panic attack.
What hurts the most is that I can’t provide to my family. I was a driver, and I can’t drive without my hand. I was responsible not only for my wife and kids but also for my elderly parents.
I was supposed to receive a prosthetic hand, but due to the blockade, I have no idea when that is going to happen.
Sometimes I ask myself why I survived. Sometimes I wish I had died with the others, so I could finally leave Gaza. Death is the only way out.